When Desire Dies: Bringing Your Sex Drive Back to Life
WebMD asked top sex experts to explain what happened to your libido and what you can do to get lovemaking back on track.
Finding Your Sex Drive Again continued...
"Few men can resist the opportunity to rev up their partner's sex
drive," says Sadock.
Now that you've got his attention, let him know how much his affections
matter to you and how sexy you feel when he tells you're pretty or shows his
appreciation for the little things you do.
"Let him know that you need to feel he cares for and appreciates you all
the time -- not just when he wants sex," says Sadock.
Also important: Spend time together alone away from the kids, the phone, the
computer, the TV, even for just 20 minutes a day. The goal, says Sadock, is to
relate to each other as man and woman -- not just mommy and daddy, or even
husband and wife.
One of the sexiest things you can do, she says, is make a date for lunch.
"It's an interruption of the business day, and it takes real effort to put
other things aside even if you're just going for a pizza, it can be a powerful
turn on for the both of you."
Sex Drive & Desire: Use It, Don't Lose It
For many women, taking these few steps can have an amazing and immediate
impact on their libido. For others, it may take some time to get the mojo
started again. What can you do help the process along?
If you enjoy sex once it's been initiated, remind yourself of that and go
with it even if sexual desire isn't apparent at the start, advises Amaru.
"This is not about forcing yourself to have sex when you don't want to.
This is about recognizing that once you get started you enjoy it, and helping
yourself to get over the barrier so you can enjoy it." The more
often you do that, she says, the more likely you are to reconnect with your
Finally, if self esteem is the problem, do whatever it takes to make
yourself feel sexy and pretty again. "Buy the lingerie that camouflages
what you don't like, get a spa treatment that makes you feel good, color your
hair, go for the make-over, do what it takes," Sadock says.
Moreover, Sadock offers us this encouraging thought to keep in mind: "It
is a psychological fact that when a man looks at a woman he has known for a
long time, his mind blends how she looks at the moment, with how she looked
when he first met and fell in love with her. So even if you see all the lines
and creases and bumps and bulges, he really doesn't. You actually look a lot
better to him than you look to yourself."
The fact that he wants to make love to you, says Sadock, tells you that he
finds you attractive. So hold that thought and go for it.