His and Hers Stress Advice

When men get stressed, their natural response leans toward flight or fight. Do they turn tail and run or stick around and gut it out?

When women get stressed, the theory is they either tend or befriend -- that is, nurture those around them or reach out to others.

Men and women clearly react to stress differently. So when it comes time to decompress, their ways of unwinding differ as well.

" Managing stress is often different by sex," says Carl Pickhardt, PhD, a psychologist and author of The Everything Parent's Guide to Positive Discipline. "Women often seek support to talk out the emotional experience, to process what is happening and what might be done. Men often seek a companionship activity to get relief from stress, to create a relaxing diversion or escape."

Whether it's a support group or a compassionate friend, a round of golf or a run in the park, experts give WebMD practical tips for both sexes on how to unwind when stress strikes.

Stress Tips for Women

It was only a few years ago that the "tend or befriend" theory was developed by a leading psychologist in the field, Shelly E. Taylor, PhD, a distinguished professor in the department of psychology at the University of California, Los Angeles. The study, published in the July 2000 issue of Psychological Review, reported that women were more likely to deal with stress by taking care of their loved ones, or by leaning on a friend or family member for support.

 

With this new theory tailored just for women serving as a guideline for how they can deal with stress, experts offer these tips:

• Develop a first aid kit for stress. "Since women are so relationship dependent, it's important for them to have a strong support system in place," says Carol Goldberg, PhD, a clinical psychologist specializing in stress management. "It's just like having a first aid kit for when you cut your finger --having this support system in place is a first aid kit for stress that you can count on in an emergency."
• Make sure that your support system is effective. "Whether its relatives or friends, seek out people who are good for you in a stressful situation," says Goldberg, who hosts a weekly television program in New York. "You need people who don't panic under pressure, who aren't depressed, and who aren't worst-case-scenario thinkers. Make sure the people you have around you when you're stressed handle it well."
• Find a friend who can keep a secret. "It's important that the people you have around you can respect your privacy when you're stressed," says Goldberg.
• Tell your story. "When it helps, tell your story," Goldberg tells WebMD. "If you are among the women who feel better talking about stress, don't keep it bottled up. Instead, get out with a trusted friend who will lend a compassionate ear. And avoid obsessing, which can depress you both."
• Say "no" when you're stressed. Women tend to put on a superwoman cape when they're stressed, doing too much for too many people and forgetting about themselves in the meantime. This, clearly, is something to avoid. "Women can selflessly help too much at their own costs," says Pickhardt, who is a spokesman for the American Psychological Association. So remember to put yourself first when you're feeling stressed.
• Say "yes" to the simple things in life. "Say 'yes' to investing in yourself for replenishment of energy, personal renewal, and regular relaxation," says Pickhardt. Take a long, hot bath when you're feeling stressed, or go for a walk, spend a day with a friend, or read a book -- anything that is all about you.